


the chambers and the valves

by bloomthefox



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Not Beta'd, my first fic please be gentle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomthefox/pseuds/bloomthefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every time you both come back alive he kisses you. You don’t talk about it. It is just something that happens and it will never be anything more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the chambers and the valves

i.  
The first time you meet he spits blood into your mouth and all you can think is _god, god_. You know this is the first domino and you think he knows too but he doesn’t want to believe it. You let the blood slide down your chin before you swallow. He stops fighting you after that.

ii.  
The second time he comes back from outside the wall is the first time he realizes he’s lucky to be alive. The first time he realizes that being prepared for the inevitable is not the same as watching it graze the shoulders of everyone around you. It’s the first time he looks at you like he knows you understand this better than he does.

iii.  
Every time you both come back alive he kisses you. You don’t talk about it. It is just something that happens and it will never be anything more. It is the only time you see him soft, the only time you see him vulnerable. You try not to let this mean anything.

iv.  
The first time he sees you injured it becomes something more. There is a wide shallow gash across your chest and he traces it with his fingers like he is trying to reconcile the image of your smooth sturdy chest with this gaping red wound. You fuck and it’s rough and savage and he catches his name on your lips like a prayer. _Levi, Levi, Levi_. You can feel your stitches coming undone and you cannot bring yourself to care.

v.  
Every time his hands press into your chest your heart hammers like it’s trying to meet his fingers halfway. You don’t think it would slow even if he were wrist-deep in your ribcage. People talk, because people always talk, but you don’t hear them because you are too busy with the way his breath hitches when you slot your hand into the space behind his knee.

vi.  
When he sprains his ankle so badly he can barely walk he pushes you away. He refuses offers of help and scowls every time his foot hits the floor. You get him drunk and lay him on the bed and wrap his ankle in bandages. The next morning he wraps your jacket around his shoulder and mutters something that sounds almost like gratitude.

vii.  
When you come home with one less limb he doesn’t say anything. He wraps his arms around your waist and you realize this is the first time you’ve held him. You want to cover him completely, protectively, closing him in the circle of your arms. You never will.

viii.  
The next time you fuck it’s fast and uncontrolled and when he kisses your shoulder you can tell he’s crying. You try to stop and he begs you not to, don’t stop, because he’s fine, he’s fine and he loves you. It’s the first time he’s ever said it. You wrap your arm around him and he kisses the place where your shoulder ends and you love him even more.

ix.  
He drags your razor across your face and buttons your shirts and takes care of you. Outside your rooms there is no indication that anything has changed. He wipes your chin with a towel and tells you he loves you. You try not to feel like what you’ve gained is as valuable as what you’ve lost. You don’t try very hard.

x.  
Someday, when you are both old, you will stand in a field and lay your weapons down. He will take your hand and kiss your knuckles and you will tell him that you love him. For now, you take what you can get, and you kiss his hair and tell him that you love him like you’ll never get the chance to again.

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song of the same name by dry the river  
> adress hate mail and love letters to shinjied.tumblr.com


End file.
